Growing Up Global

This was an elective during the CPI conference. The speaker's name was Eric Larsen. He grew up as both a military kid and then as a missionary kid, so he has plenty of personal experience growing up as a TCK. TCK will refer to "Third Culture Kid" for the remainder of this post.

The Mr. Larsen noted up front that do to "the fall" there are rifts in relationships. (Gen3:7-11, 16-19) The end will bring about the restoration of relationships. (Malachi 4:6, Luke 1:17, Rev. 21:2-5) Right now we are called to bridge the gap (john 1:14; Php2:5-8).

Kids are growing up in a very different world than we did.
Trends:
1) Exploding youth population, soon 50% youth
2) Extended adolescence, now tends to be 10 30 years of age. Onset of adolescence is thought in biological terms, and ends in terms of culture--when it says you are an adult
3) Emerging global youth culture -have more in common with youth around them than adults and people around them.

Teens are more connected than ever before in terms of technology, but are really rather disconnected in terms of relationships.

Adult abandonment
Sometimes teens have no real adult contact. Maybe the parents are busy with their careers. Any adults that are involved in the kids' life are often agenda oriented and not their to nurture the kids. Teachers and coaches do not count as a nurturing adult. For many teens they are left to sink or swim. This often bring adolescence on early, but since they have no adult to guide them to adulthood, the adolescence becomes prolonged.

Missionaries need to be cross-cultural missionaries to their own kids.

3 Questions (teens ask)
1) Who am I? (identity)- affirmation
- guidance
2)Where do I belong? (community)
The kids need to have their own space. A space that is fiercely protected by mom and dad. In ministry there are always people in and out of our homes, so the kids need to have a safe place in their own home where they can be and not worry about anyone else invading that space. The church needs to be behind the kids helping them in adolescence. Protect kids at home with Internet filters and instructions about how to use media. Need to monitor for safety reasons.It takes about 5 adults to successfully guide one adolescent to adulthood. Every child needs 5 caring adults around them, loving them, and guiding them.
3) Do I matter?
They need help finding their unique voices. We see how God wired them and speak that back into them. We need to view our kids as an EPIC novel rather than a COMIC book. Comic books look flashy but have no real plot. When TCK's were polled the respondents either had a very positive experience as a TCK or a very negative experience. It formed a reverse bell curve because few respondents thought their experiences were just ok. This is research data that immediately raises red flags. Why is this true?

Most positive experience respondents said that what made a difference is that they didn't feel like this was just Dad's thing, but they felt some ownership in it as well. It is important to find their gifts and help them to own something of the job of his/her parents.

3 Needs
1) Communication- be the pursuer!!! In order to see it from your kids you have to model open communication with your spouse and others.
2) Closeness -unstructured and extended time are important, especially with dad. It is good to have spontaneity. Remember the kid's perception in the KEY. You can think it is one way, but the kids really perceive it the other way. You need to understand their perception and try to tap into it. Cater to it. The kids can tell if you delight in them. Be real! Be genuine!
3) Trust - Kids need to trust themselves
others
Kids need o learn both. Give them the chance o be trusted and chances to fail as well.
Dad- in adolescence dad is the safety net of the tightropes of adolescence.

3 Gifts
1) Celebrate- Be their biggest fan. Be there. Be involved. Surprise them. Praise them. "Surprise and delight" them. Make memories. Celebrate their character and their joys. Learn their love language.
2) Grieve- Love, hug, and comfort them. Try to avoid lectures. Don't get angry. Don't try to be a fixer but rather be a supporter. Let them wrestles with things. Just be with them.
3) Repent- model it for them!